The Horse Rider
by TheDogObeys
Summary: In the city crawling with ignorant humans and devious devils, Dante wakes up in his small trailer by the city's pier, hung-over, sore, and wanting to use the bathroom. What he finds in his small bathroom is truly terrifying. Rated M for...interesting humor to say the least. This story is based off of Ninja Theory's Devil May Cry.


**Hello fellow readers! I am back with another one of my DmC stories I transferred from my tumblr. Please read and enjoy!**

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Just outside the city of ignorant humans and devious devils, a local carnival was bustling alive with content families. The chimerical shrieks of dancing children rang throughout the pier, as well as the concerned voices of their protective parents. Swarms of families wandered through the festivities of the carnival, ignorantly passing by a trailer that sat undisturbed on the edge of the pier.

Although the outside of the trailer was brilliantly lit by the afternoon sunlight, the bedroom inside the trailer was dark; completely overshadowed by the happy environment around it. Only two things obnoxiously stood out in the dimly lit room; the king sized bed in the middle, and the naked man sprawled lazily on top of its crimson red sheets.

The man, half asleep and hung-over, had his back faced toward the ceiling. The muscles of his rounded buttocks twitched unconsciously, slightly stirring the young man awake. Slowly, his eyes creaked open, revealing a pair of stunning blue irises, with slits of red dancing around the pupils. His buttock muscles flexed again.

"Hnnng." The young man tiredly groaned as he halfheartedly rolled over on the bed, showing the ceiling the sweat drenched face of his fleshy sword, which laid tiredly against his thigh.

"Hhnnnnng." The man groaned again, His head throbbed in pain, and he could barely remember what he did the night before. He did not want to remember. He wanted to lay peacefully on his bed, stark naked, and free from the sight of society. However, his hung-over mind and sore body screamed for a cold shower, leaving him no choice but to leave the comfort of his bed.

After two grueling minutes of him struggling to get out of bed, the young man stumbled into his small bathroom. As his eyes routinely scanned the room of any cockroaches scavenging for food (which happens often), he instantly noticed something sticking out from behind the shower curtain. A bare leg.

Surprised, the man instantly pulled back the curtain. What he saw alarmed him even more. "What the hell?!"

Filling up the space of the bathtub was a naked young woman, who appeared to be in her early twenties. Her legs were spread wide apart, carelessly displaying the slit cavern of her feminine parts for the appalled man. She was fast asleep when he opened the shower curtain, with her head nuzzled comfortably against the bathtub's faucet. Sitting idly in the woman's thin arms, was the head of a Halloween costume: A horse head.

Feeling his headache slowly dissipating, the man stood silently above the sleeping woman, staring dumbly at the horse head in the woman's arms. The horse's eyes popped out of its eyelids in a state of fright. Its mouth was wide open, silently gasping at the sight of the young man.

It was a truly terrifying sight for a hung-over man to walk into on a bright afternoon.

Instinctively feeling the man's gaze upon her, the woman began to stir awake. Eyes still closed, she slowly sat up from her laying position, not bothering to close her legs. As she finally opened her eyes, she noticed the young man's shadow casting over her.

She swung her head toward the young man in surprise. Her eyes, swollen and red from drinking the night before, popped wide open in shock. Her mouth creaked open like a fish, silently gasping at the man. It then occurred to the man that at that moment, her face was identical to the horsehead's expression.

"D-Dante! You're awake!" The woman cried out. Her voice was extremely high-pitched and soft, like an elementary school girl, however her body proved otherwise. The young man narrowed his eyes curiously at the girl. "You remembered my name?" He asked, still groggy from sleep. The woman giggled, her laugh ringing in Dante's ears like painful doldrums. "Of course honey; how could I not forget last night's adventure?" She replied, her lips curling into a seductive smirk.

Dante merely stared at the horsehead next to the woman. He was too tired to raise his eyebrow, too tired to make a witty remark, and too hung-over to even care what happened the night before. The woman however, did not hesitate to remind him.

"You were the greatest cowboy that has ever rode on this horse!" She boasted, slipping the horse head over her own head. She then jumped out of the bathtub, roughly rocking her loose breasts against each other. She then proceeded to gallop around Dante, shaking her head from to side to side and neighing loudly in the process.

Dante's black eyebrows furrowed in concerned. He should have stayed in bed. After she finished her horse imitation, the woman, with the horse head still on, wrapped her arms around Dante's neck, and pulled him in an embrace. "You are so cool!" The woman then gushed, pressing herself against him.

Dante, slowly coming out of the hangover's spell, peeled the woman's arms off of his neck. "I'm flattered." He sarcastically murmured, pushing the woman away from him. "Really? Are you being sarcastic?!" The woman asked, peering at Dante through the horse's bugged out eyes.

"Neeeigh!" The young man replied, feeling his humor coming back to him. He then walked out of the bathroom, asking, "Hey horsey, mind going back to the farm where you came from?"

The girl whined, obviously not wanting to leave Dante alone. "Why? Don't you want to ride me some more?" She stepped out of the bathroom, following Dante to his bed. Seeing that she followed him into his room, Dante groaned in agitation.

"God damn it, why do I always attract clingy girls?!" He muttered, turning back to glare at the horse lover. "Look, this cowboy does not feel like riding today. This cowboy feels like sleeping, eating, and possibly shitting, if he needs to." The aggravated young man then pointed at the front door. "The exit's that way."

The girl, with the horse head still on, snarled in anger. "You are one shitty gentleman!" She yelled, as she dramatically snatched her clothes from the floor. "Just gallop your way out of here miss." Dante murmured, hiding his amused smirk behind the pile of bed pillows. After one minute, the horse lover stormed out of the trailer, muttering profanities under her breath.

Dante then relaxed, laying happily on his stomach. He wanted to stay relaxed like this for the entire day, stark naked and free from the sight of society. And also free from the sight of clingy horses.

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**Well, there you have it! A light-hearted story that hopefully made you laugh...or at least smile. Please read and review! **


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